"The Lion King" Returns Again, And I Might Not Care

What the hell is going on with the world? "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" once made a very meta joke about how the big things in their lives always happened around May/June, in reference to their season finales. It's a clever throwaway joke but I swear I'm beginning to believe there might be something to it.

Is this like "The Truman Show"? If it is, I apologize for last night, worldwide audiences.

This Sunday is the most likely shocking season finale for "Game of Thrones", right now the E3 2014 is going on in LA (with some pretty great announcements), the FIFA World Cup begins sometime this week. And through all of this, the thing that made my eyes pop out like the Droopy D Wolf's was suddenly seeing this pic on my Facebook feed:


"Well that's some bland fan art, but okay," I thought. But then I saw that it was "The Lion King" page posting. And that the headline said "Be Prepared for The Lion Guard". I had to click.

Let me tell you something: when I re-discovered these movies in 2005, the moment I decided that "The Lion King" was my #1 favorite movie of all time, I fell in love with not just the first movie but the expanded universe and the mythologies explored in "The Lion King 2", the books, etc. I'll write a post about why the first movie speaks to me so much later (I already wrote one about the sequel) so I won't go into detail here. Let's just say that for a while I really, really wanted the story to continue. There was still so much to be told and to be explored. Who is Kovu's real father? What exactly happened between Zira and Simba between 1 and 2? To what capacity is the Kopa-is-dead theory true? I loved "1 1/2" because it also explored the world and characters a bit deeper, even if it was more fixated in the humor.

I enjoy "The Lion King" so much I've gotten nearly 2,000 suscribers and 7,000,000 video views on a YouTube channel mainly about fanvids. I cut and edited a 3+ hour long fan-edit of the three movies put together. I even wrote a treatment for a possible second sequel, and a pretty long A+ analysis of the first movie for a thesis project in college.

This was a while ago, of course. Though my love for the movie/s hasn't diminished one bit, I had completely forgotten about the mythos; I could live with the two and a half movies worth of story because even if it's not as much as I'd like, I don't want it ruined (I don't consider the Timon & Pumbaa show in the 90's canon).

So now there's this. Disney claims it's "The Lion King" meets "The Avengers" in the shape of a TV movie first (which probably means a 3-episode premiere), and a subsequent series coming in 2015. All focusing on Simba's second child Kion putting together a band of misfits and learning to protect the environment or some shit. "The Lion Guard".

Eh.

No, I haven't fully outgrown "The Lion King"; I'm just not very excited about this idea. If they had announced "The Lion King 3", even as s DTV movie that would pick up after the end of 2, I would've climbed the Empire State building in excitement. But this?

Look, everyone knows I'm a big "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" fan (despite the uneven fourth season) which is about ponies, but is not exclusively aimed at 7 year olds; it's obvious from the complexity of some of the jokes and references to the straight-up "DragonBall Z" fourth season finale battle. This appears to be exclusively for pre-schoolers so I'm not likely to really get anything I'm interested in.

Hell, they even make a point about how there are "special appearances" from Timon, Pumba, Simba, Kiara, et al (no Kovu though; what, is Marsden too busy nowadays?). I'm not likely to even get to see much of my favorite characters, let alone explore them a bit further. There obviously won't be a time skip to help character growth, obviously no drama or real plot, so what's the point? I am the guy who wants more sequels assuming they'll keep some of the quality from the first two movies and even I'm raising an eyebrow at this obvious environmental obligation tied to the movie's 20th anniversary.

The team seems to be well put together and talented. I'll definitely watch the premiere, but I don't expect I'll be keeping up, even casually. I hope to be surprised.

Everyone agrees though that this is pretty much the final nail on the "One more real "The Lion King" movie" coffin, right?
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About The Damn Beast

Pre-op trans-minotaur, sci-fi/fantasy/horror author, metal singer, videogame journalist, pop culture blogger. I also lift heavy things and put them down again repeatedly to occupy more space.
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